New Stock Market Terms : Funny Joke

BULL MARKET : A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET : A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING : The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO : The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER : What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR : Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST : Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT : When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your  assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER : A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION : The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO : What you yell after selling XYZ stock to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS : What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought XYZ stock @ $240 per share.

PROFIT : An archaic word no longer in use.