BULL MARKET : A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET : A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING : The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO : The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER : What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR : Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST : Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT : When your ex-wife and her lawyer split yourÂ assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER : A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION : The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOWâ€“ The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO : What you yell after selling XYZ stockÂ to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS : What you jump out of when youâ€™re the sucker who bought XYZ stock @ $240 per share.
PROFIT : An archaic word no longer in use.